People Still Dying in Iraq

Sunni Ramadan: Less Praying, More Bombing

If anyone had any doubts that peace in Iraq had been achieved, they can rest easy knowing what anyone with a little history of the Middle East knows, which is that there will never be peace as long as infidels live. Unfortunately, the recent bombings have left a large population of hippies decrying these events as more evidence that America needs to leave Iraq, rather than seeing it for what it is: a perfect opportunity to kill more people in the name of freedom.

Sunni suicide bombers left 20 Shiites dead in Iraq by infiltrating mosques and killing those who were at prayer. They attacked in a largely anti-American area, a sentiment made clear when civilians in the crowds suggested to reporters that the attacks were not Iraqi-fueled, but a clever attempt by Americans to sew more hatred among the people. As sentiments go, this one can be categorized as absolutely ridiculous, because Iraqis do not require American assistance to sew resentment and distrust. But if we are behind the attack, then we deserve a pat on the back. Just when I was losing hope and thinking we would abandon the effort to crush the spirit of the Iraqis under our star-spangled iron fist, they prove so violent they cannot even wait until we leave to reignite the killing fires.

Last Sunday, 27 more civilians were killed, with 84 injured, doing some Ramadan shopping. That was 84 failures, if you ask me. I think the government should go with my plan to achieve peace in the Middle East, and stop pussyfooting around the issue. The plan involves purging the land of all Middle Easterners and setting up little colonies that will accept our sovereignty and our ability to heavily tax them at our whim. Bonus points if we kill the natives by bringing them new diseases. I think I read about that happening once but I don't remember the ending. I'm sure it all worked out in the best interests of the world.

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