Obama Forgets That He Is Holier-Than-Thou
In the biggest shocker of this presidential election, Obama has resorted to something no one thought him capable of: lying. College students nation-wide, when asked for comment, met the report with a blank look followed by a spluttering denial that had no substance or merit and was promptly ignored.
McCain's campaign had been previously denounced by the Obama camp and in the press for making outright lies about Obama recommending sex education for kindergartners. Obama himself acknowledged the dirty play, but as his campaign is upheld by the ideal of "a different kind of politics," his supporters like to deny he would ever respond to these attacks like a typical politician. However, anyone with half a brain is not surprised that Obama's campaign launched ads that posited McCain was against stem cell research and implied he only wanted tax breaks for oil companies, despite McCain being an advocate for federal funding for stem cell research and supporting tax breaks that would benefit all energy companies, including those that support wind and solar energy.
In short, Obama is acting like a politician. Commence the nation being shocked to its core.
Source
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Russia <3 Venezuela
Putin Declares, "Chavez Is My Homeboy"
Russia has offered to help Venezuela with its own nuclear program, which along with North Korea and Iran means we're all right back to fearing the imminent dropping of the atom bomb somewhere. The good news is that the chance for mutations resulting in superpowers has just skyrocketed.
This is not a new development, since unbeknown to most, Russia and Venezuela have been courting each other for a while. The real news is what will happen to the Russians when they are exposed to the sunlight in the Caribbean for their Russo-Venezuelan military exercises? Do they burst into flames? Shrivel up? Become inexplicably sexy, causing countless Americans to question whether Russian rule would be so bad after all? No one knows. However, one thing is clear and that is Russia having a base so close to the US is obviously not a good idea.
The answer is easily solved, though. Assassinate Chavez and put a Mexican in his place for half the salary and twice the productivity, then commandeer those Russian vessels and reoutfit them as the next big thing in the Royal Caribbean cruise line.
Source
Russia has offered to help Venezuela with its own nuclear program, which along with North Korea and Iran means we're all right back to fearing the imminent dropping of the atom bomb somewhere. The good news is that the chance for mutations resulting in superpowers has just skyrocketed.
This is not a new development, since unbeknown to most, Russia and Venezuela have been courting each other for a while. The real news is what will happen to the Russians when they are exposed to the sunlight in the Caribbean for their Russo-Venezuelan military exercises? Do they burst into flames? Shrivel up? Become inexplicably sexy, causing countless Americans to question whether Russian rule would be so bad after all? No one knows. However, one thing is clear and that is Russia having a base so close to the US is obviously not a good idea.
The answer is easily solved, though. Assassinate Chavez and put a Mexican in his place for half the salary and twice the productivity, then commandeer those Russian vessels and reoutfit them as the next big thing in the Royal Caribbean cruise line.
Source
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
North Korea Wants to Be Bombed
North Korea Bars Inspection, I Hope For Violence
North Korea has barred any inspection of the plants which will facilitate the building of nuclear weaponry, further cluing in the world that either they're just as good at bullshitting as Iran, or they really want to go to war. Whichever it is, they are clearly stating one fact: they really want to be bombed.
Washington claimed the act was "very disappointing," which is the understatement of the century. This shit is ridiculous, and if we can invade Iraq for crimes against humanity, surely we can bomb North Korea off the map for being assholes. Do we even need a reason to go to war anymore? Come on, North Korea is making us look bad, Kim Jong-Il is probably laying up on his deathbed, and what has North Korea done for us lately? Now is the time to strike, while they're confused and haven't quite reinstated their nuclear programs. It's not like we have to get involved in a big long struggle like Iraq; just bomb them and leave. It's a solid plan. Everyone knows South Korea is the only part of Korea worth saving anyway.
Source
North Korea has barred any inspection of the plants which will facilitate the building of nuclear weaponry, further cluing in the world that either they're just as good at bullshitting as Iran, or they really want to go to war. Whichever it is, they are clearly stating one fact: they really want to be bombed.
Washington claimed the act was "very disappointing," which is the understatement of the century. This shit is ridiculous, and if we can invade Iraq for crimes against humanity, surely we can bomb North Korea off the map for being assholes. Do we even need a reason to go to war anymore? Come on, North Korea is making us look bad, Kim Jong-Il is probably laying up on his deathbed, and what has North Korea done for us lately? Now is the time to strike, while they're confused and haven't quite reinstated their nuclear programs. It's not like we have to get involved in a big long struggle like Iraq; just bomb them and leave. It's a solid plan. Everyone knows South Korea is the only part of Korea worth saving anyway.
Source
Friday, September 19, 2008
North Korea Gets Uppity
North Korea Says, "Fuck You, America"
Kim Jong-Il, Dear Leader of North Korea, suffered a stroke recently, but it seems like it is business as usual in the Far East as North Korea told America, "Fine, don't take us off your terrorist list. We actually want to be on it. You see this nuclear complex we dismantled? Yeah, that shit is back on line."
Either Kim Jong-Il is now crazy (like a fox) and throwing his weight around as much as he can before he kicks off, or the military is slowly taking over and making his decisions for him while he remains a vegetable. Either way, what is fully for certain is America is no longer the scary threat we once were. Russia, China, Iran, Venezuela, North Korea...pretty soon even Mexico is going to be talking back. We better get our economy back on track and stop fucking around in countries that are screwing us (just let Iran deal with Iraq, eh?) or soon we're going to be like that husband who beats his wife and then is shocked when she files for a divorce and A-bombs his car.
Source
Movie Review: Righteous Kill
Al Pacino and Robert de Niro do what they do best, namely be badasses. If you want to see a movie about two old guys acting like old badasses, then this is a good movie to see. If you want any sort of mystery or moral, don't bother, because it seems like everyone in the movie was messed up beyond belief. I did strongly identify with the girl who liked to get her ass kicked as a turn-on, but then she turned out to be a whiner when she actually got her ass kicked and didn't enjoy it. Hypocritical whore. The film is also disconcerting, not because of any message it sends but rather because it is a little difficult to decide whether it is reasonable to still find Pacino and De Niro attractive (my answer is yes). Overall, an entertaining if somewhat emotionally and mentally vacuous film.
Trailer
Kim Jong-Il, Dear Leader of North Korea, suffered a stroke recently, but it seems like it is business as usual in the Far East as North Korea told America, "Fine, don't take us off your terrorist list. We actually want to be on it. You see this nuclear complex we dismantled? Yeah, that shit is back on line."
Either Kim Jong-Il is now crazy (like a fox) and throwing his weight around as much as he can before he kicks off, or the military is slowly taking over and making his decisions for him while he remains a vegetable. Either way, what is fully for certain is America is no longer the scary threat we once were. Russia, China, Iran, Venezuela, North Korea...pretty soon even Mexico is going to be talking back. We better get our economy back on track and stop fucking around in countries that are screwing us (just let Iran deal with Iraq, eh?) or soon we're going to be like that husband who beats his wife and then is shocked when she files for a divorce and A-bombs his car.
Source
Movie Review: Righteous Kill
Al Pacino and Robert de Niro do what they do best, namely be badasses. If you want to see a movie about two old guys acting like old badasses, then this is a good movie to see. If you want any sort of mystery or moral, don't bother, because it seems like everyone in the movie was messed up beyond belief. I did strongly identify with the girl who liked to get her ass kicked as a turn-on, but then she turned out to be a whiner when she actually got her ass kicked and didn't enjoy it. Hypocritical whore. The film is also disconcerting, not because of any message it sends but rather because it is a little difficult to decide whether it is reasonable to still find Pacino and De Niro attractive (my answer is yes). Overall, an entertaining if somewhat emotionally and mentally vacuous film.
Trailer
Friday, September 12, 2008
Girl Talk and Universal Evil
Democrats Admit They Are Not Jesus Christ Born Again, Cede to Offshore Drilling
Today the Democrats resigned themselves to the fact that they are not God's gift to politics, and they too can fold under the selfish needs of the American consumer, by grudgingly supporting the need for offshore drilling. The average American doesn't care a whit about politics, the environment, or progress: they just want their goods to be cheap and easy to obtain. At $4 a gallon for gas, our liberties as American citizens have been threatened, namely the liberty to have cheap gas. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "who has a history of fighting oil drilling going back to the early days of her career in California," has conceded to the new energy plan. This just reaffirms my point that Washington is inherently evil, and there are no knights in shining armor (certain Democratic nominees come to mind) who will not go back on their word the minute they see that their base is angry.
Source
Venezuelan President: "Shithead Yankees, go to hell!"
Vying for Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's spot as the most likely to piss off foreign dignitaries, Hugo Chavez ejected the American ambassador from Venezuela, giving him 72 hours to get out. The animosity felt by Venezuela toward America has been rather unsettling for some time, given the oil-producing country's penchant for buying arms from Russia and the geniality Putin and Chavez bear toward one another. If only we had money enough to stir up more civil war with our friends to the south, we could rest easier. Unfortunately, we need their oil (of course!) and so we pretend like Venezuela isn't even a country. Who the hell goes to South America anyway?
Source
Girls Need to Shut Their Faces, Stop Annoying Me With Problems
In what is probably my favorite research study/news article to date, scientists have concluded that talking too much about your problems makes them worse. Studying girls who overtalk their problems ("But did he really mean that he loved me or was he just saying it to get me to sleep with him?" "Should I call him? I mean he said he didn't want to see me, but maybe he meant call him") has revealed that overthinking them causes anxiety and depression. No shit! I could have told you that without the expensive study. Chances are if you have problems inane enough to repeat to every girl you have ever met, the answer is simple too: kill yourself.
The study also showed that men, who don't bother with useless emotional conversations on a consistent basis (listening to their girlfriends doesn't count, because we know they tune out just to think about sex) display less anxiety and depression where their problems are concerned. This statement does not include the sudden influx of emo whiners who we all know are not people and therefore excluded from the study.
In the end, the study has supplied me with a handy method for weaseling my way out of listening to the neverending stream of problems that girls seem to have. I will just assert that complaining has been scientifically proven to turn you into a crazy ho. And nobody likes a crazy ho.
Source
Today the Democrats resigned themselves to the fact that they are not God's gift to politics, and they too can fold under the selfish needs of the American consumer, by grudgingly supporting the need for offshore drilling. The average American doesn't care a whit about politics, the environment, or progress: they just want their goods to be cheap and easy to obtain. At $4 a gallon for gas, our liberties as American citizens have been threatened, namely the liberty to have cheap gas. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "who has a history of fighting oil drilling going back to the early days of her career in California," has conceded to the new energy plan. This just reaffirms my point that Washington is inherently evil, and there are no knights in shining armor (certain Democratic nominees come to mind) who will not go back on their word the minute they see that their base is angry.
Source
Venezuelan President: "Shithead Yankees, go to hell!"
Vying for Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's spot as the most likely to piss off foreign dignitaries, Hugo Chavez ejected the American ambassador from Venezuela, giving him 72 hours to get out. The animosity felt by Venezuela toward America has been rather unsettling for some time, given the oil-producing country's penchant for buying arms from Russia and the geniality Putin and Chavez bear toward one another. If only we had money enough to stir up more civil war with our friends to the south, we could rest easier. Unfortunately, we need their oil (of course!) and so we pretend like Venezuela isn't even a country. Who the hell goes to South America anyway?
Source
Girls Need to Shut Their Faces, Stop Annoying Me With Problems
In what is probably my favorite research study/news article to date, scientists have concluded that talking too much about your problems makes them worse. Studying girls who overtalk their problems ("But did he really mean that he loved me or was he just saying it to get me to sleep with him?" "Should I call him? I mean he said he didn't want to see me, but maybe he meant call him") has revealed that overthinking them causes anxiety and depression. No shit! I could have told you that without the expensive study. Chances are if you have problems inane enough to repeat to every girl you have ever met, the answer is simple too: kill yourself.
The study also showed that men, who don't bother with useless emotional conversations on a consistent basis (listening to their girlfriends doesn't count, because we know they tune out just to think about sex) display less anxiety and depression where their problems are concerned. This statement does not include the sudden influx of emo whiners who we all know are not people and therefore excluded from the study.
In the end, the study has supplied me with a handy method for weaseling my way out of listening to the neverending stream of problems that girls seem to have. I will just assert that complaining has been scientifically proven to turn you into a crazy ho. And nobody likes a crazy ho.
Source
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